How far back do you remember?  What is your first memory of doing something that you knew beyond a shadow of doubt that you should not have done?

I was certainly NOT a perfect child (my many siblings can affirm this), but there was one instance that occurred while I was in the 4th grade that became a significant memorable moment for me.  We had just taken a reading comprehension test (not a strong subject for me).  We passed our test to either the person in front or behind us to grade it while we graded another student’s test.  I missed 1 too many in order to move up to the next level.  I was embarrassed about this, but what I chose to do, I deeply regret, and it has haunted me for many years.

First of all, I asked my fellow student to give me the test so I could change one of my answers, thus producing a grade to advance me to the next level.  Secondly, when the teacher called my name to report my score, I lied to her by giving her the incorrect grade.    So not only had I now cheated, I had also lied ~ with a fellow student as my witness.  I immediately felt terrible, but I chose NOT to confess or to admit this to anyone.  Instead I vowed I would never do that again and begged God for forgiveness.

About 10 years later, God still had a lesson to teach me.  While I was serving as a volunteer after high school, I continued to be convicted of this double sin.  God was now asking that I confess my wrong doing if I truly wanted to live in freedom.  How was I going to do that?  The school I had attended back then had closed.  I didn’t even know if the teacher was still teaching.  But I knew I had to try.  So I wound up writing a note to my teacher – asking for forgiveness – and mailed it to the last school where I knew she taught.  I have no idea if she ever actually received the note.  That’s irrelevant to me.  What is important, however, are the valuable lessons I learned through this experience:

• Walking in obedience to God is walking in freedom and is far more valuable than any earthly reward.
• Living with a clear conscience is worth more than any grade.
• I did not wish to apologize to anyone again for choosing to behave poorly (that’s just plain humiliating and embarrassing! Also, I have had to apologize MANY times since then – guess I’m a slow learner.)
• I’m thankful that God could use that situation with seemingly insignificant consequences to teach me a valuable life lesson.

Though this one “small” act of disobedience seems insignificant, it can easily become something much bigger when we choose not to learn from our choices.  When we consistently make poor choices in “insignificant” situations, we can grow numb to not living in integrity, and it becomes more difficult to make the right choice when it really matters.

~Lord, help me daily to live a life of integrity and honesty!